My brother was eating something nasty and we were all making a big deal out of it. He says, "I regretted it as soon as I put it in my mouth." TWSS.

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(737 Laughs)

 

I was on the phone with my best friend and i was reading TWSS stories out loud, I had stopped and he goes "Keep going", I reply, "I'm looking for a better one." TWSS.

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(22 Laughs)

 

One day in history class and we got two handouts. One said "escalate slowly" and the other read "pull out now". TWSS.

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(120 Laughs)

 

While on the grill line at McDonalds, I took out a wrapper for the cheeseburger that had appeared on our order screen. The person working next to me took one out and placed it on the counter. I said "What are you doing?" to which he replied "Oh, I didn't know you pulled it out already." TWSS.

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(52 Laughs)

 

My friends and I were going through tough times. Trying to console us, one friend said "I know its hard, but we just gotta ride it out." TWSS.

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(71 Laughs)

 

Ok, one of my friends invited me to a lock-in at his church and at the lock-in they had Guitar Hero. Well everyone else was getting food and hanging out but we wanted to go play Guitar Hero some before everyone else came back. Apparently he's not very good at it and he didn't know that I am. So since there was only one guitar we were going to have to take turns and he said, "Ok, do you want to suck first or should I?" TWSS.

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(1285 Laughs)

 

Every week, I play in a local poker game. The chip values are as follows: white = 100, red = 500, blue = 1000, green = 5000, and black = 10000. As the night goes on, if you're doing well, you should have lots of chips, especially blue, green, and black. Well, it was about midway through the night and someone commented to the guy next to me, "You look like you're doing well!", and he replied, "It only looks big because it's all red". TWSS.

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(57 Laughs)

 

So me and some friends decided to have a water gun fight, well I ended up shooting one of them right in he face with my supersoaker and apparently some of it got up his nose. And he said, "Come on! If it had gone in my mouth I wouldn't have cared, but you had to shoot it up the wrong hole!." TWSS.

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(2195 Laughs)

 

Today, we were opening a can of bug spray. My friend said (in the process of opening the lid) "aww, man! the cap broke off! now it's spraying everywhere!" TWSS.

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(22 Laughs)

 

When talking to my boss today, I told her that I may need more days than expected for vacation. I hadn't yet put it into the "request-off" book and other people were already requesting similar time off, so she told me, "make sure you put it in soon or I'll cut it off." TWSS.

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(130 Laughs)