I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when he decided to put a straw in a cookie and try to drink it. A little piece of cookie got stuck in the straw when I said, "Don't suck too hard or it will shoot down your throat." TWSS.

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(175 Laughs)

 

A friend and I were sitting on an old beanbag chair one day and it was falling apart. So when the foam inside of it started to fall out, my friend said,"What the heck is this white stuff all over the place? It's sticking to my hair!" TWSS

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(179 Laughs)

 

A colleague of mine was pushing a couple of chairs on the floor, one behind the other. She had to put them in a separate room. The supervisor asked her why she wouldn't just push it through the door. Her reply: "It's too long, I can't get it to curve!" TWSS

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(59 Laughs)

 

Today me and my sister were washing the dishes. She was trying to scrub a piece of something off a glass cup and said, "Would you help me get this thing out of here? It's too far in and it's stuck." TWSS

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(79 Laughs)

 

At the lake, a friend of ours was putting aerosol bug spray on her arms. She starting coughing and spitting. We asked her what had happened and she said, "I don't know how it happened, but I got a lot of it my mouth and it was nasty!" TWSS.

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(96 Laughs)

 

The other day I was at soccer practice and my friend said, "Hey we need some soccer balls." My soccer coach said, "You have 2 balls right there!" TWSS.

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(74 Laughs)

 

My math teacher was explaining something and we were all confused. He said, "Was that too fast? I'd be happy to do it again but much slower." TWSS

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(193 Laughs)

 

The other day I overheard two guys talking about a science experiment and one of them said, "I underestimated the amount of fluid coming out." TWSS

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(153 Laughs)

 

I got a pretty bad splinter, and I asked my mom what I should do. "Oww, oww, oww! It really hurts! What do I do?" "Put pressure on it!" my mom told me. It didn't make sense to me, so I said, "Why would I put pressure on it? It's inside of me, that'll only make it go in deeper!" TWSS.

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(134 Laughs)

 

My family and I were cleaning our carpet with a Rug Doctor. There was one stain that wasn't coming out, so my Mom said we would have to get it out by hand. But what she said was, "We'll have to give it a good hand job." TWSS

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(224 Laughs)