I was walking with my friends at school and one of my friends was telling a really dramatic story. Someone interrupted him in order to ask about a homework assignment. He screamed, "You didn't let me finish!" TWSS

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(4 Laughs)

 

At a sleepover with several friends, a girl had a lollipop. She set it down on a plastic bag, and about five minutes later someone else picked it up and went to throw it away. The girl stopped her, saying, "No, don't put it away, I'll suck on it later." TWSS

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(4 Laughs)

 

In art class we were rolling out slabs of clay. While working, I turned to the person next to me and commented, "It gets easier the more you do it and you can go faster." TWSS

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(2 Laughs)

 

We were watching a movie in class when in the movie, the guy's ladyfriend is crying. He hands her a tissue and says "Here, blow. It'll make you feel better."

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(3 Laughs)

 

I was reviewing a spreadsheet with a coworker and suggested that she try to make it more concise, to which she replied: "I know it looks big, but trust me, it was a lot bigger beforehand." TWSS

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(210 Laughs)

 

I was at a restaurant with some friends and they served all of the drinks in mason jars. I had ordered a pop, which comes in a regular-size jar. When I looked over at the table next to us, I noticed that the alcoholic drinks come in a much smaller mason jar and said, "Wow, I didn't know they made them that small." TWSS.

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(79 Laughs)

 

I ran a 5k with my sister. After the race, she informed me that her phone kept falling out of the inside pocket of her running pants, to which I replied "good thing you didn't drop it while running." Completely serious, she stated "No, whenever it started to slip out, I just held it in my hand." TWSS.



(203 Laughs)

 

I went to a music teacher conference, and I sat through an hour-long presentation of how to properly care for a trombone. He informed us, "Penetrating oil. When a piece is stuck and you can't get it out. When you're pulling out. When you want to push in. Penetrating oil." TWSS.

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(94 Laughs)

 

My orchestra was rehearsing a song one day, and we had to stop at measure 70 because one of the clarinetists couldn't get her instrument to sound. Our teacher got frustrated and said, "I don't care how hard you have to try, just blow until it squeaks. Now let's start 69." TWSS.

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(175 Laughs)

 

Earlier today, while referring to a loose wing-nut on a 4" expansion plug, I said to my co-worker: "Good thing I pulled it out when I did, because this nut was about to pop off." TWSS

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(224 Laughs)